Fake your way through the Final Four
New to women’s basketball? Here’s some info to help you sound like an expert
So you’re new to this women’s basketball thing. That’s cool. Welcome.
As the stats for TV and attendance prove, there are a lot of newcomers to the game these days and you’re certainly not alone. But you know what? People don’t have to know you’re a newbie.
Help yourself to this handy dandy guide so you can Fake Your Way Through the Final Four. As Iowa makes its second consecutive trip to the Final Four, you can bring up all sorts of tidbits during the Hawkeyes’ game against Connecticut on Friday night. (Like the fact that the Hawkeyes also went to the Final Four in 1993.) You might know your way around current Hawkeyes and recent games, but these factoids can help you impress even the longtime Iowa faithful.
For starters, learn to spell
For as much as Caitlin Clark has been in the news all day every day for more than a year, it’s pretty gobsmacking that people can’t get her name right. It’s Caitlin. Not Caitlyn. Not Caitlynn. Not Kaitlynne. Not Ckatelinh.
After you’ve got that down, it’s good to note that UConn’s star guard is Paige Bueckers. Not Page, not Beckers (though it’s pronounced that way). If you can’t keep that quite straight, just call her by her nickname, Paige Buckets.
Once you master those two, it’s time to graduate to the big time: One of South Carolina’s top players is Te-Hina Paopao, easily the greatest name in the tournament.
Point out how Iowa plays position-less basketball
The Hawkeyes have settled into what seems to be a starting lineup of four guards and a post, not the traditional two forwards, two guards and a center/post. There’s no question that Clark is the point guard and Hannah Stuelke plays in the middle but from there, positions on offense are kind of hard to describe.
Gabbie Marshall hangs in the backcourt with Clark but isn’t a classic shooting guard. Kate Martin is pretty much a forward but she’s often hanging in the backcourt with Clark and Marshall, too. Sydney Affolter also can often be found in the backcourt or corners. The players don’t really need a position because they’re constantly moving.
It might confuse the heck out of James Naismith, the inventor of basketball, but it’s worked out fine for the Hawkeyes.
Pull out some trivia about players Lisa Bluder has coached
So if the Iowa coach employs something like position-less basketball, it’s safe to say she’s not too set in her ways. One of the best examples of that isn’t this year’s Hawkeye team, it’s Lisa Bluder’s history developing top scorers.
Bluder is the only coach in NCAA Division I who has coached three players who led the nation in scoring. (Only one other coach has two.) The first was current Hawkeye associate head coach Jan Jensen, who averaged 29.6 points a game in 1991, her senior season at Drake and Bluder’s first year with the Bulldogs. Megan Gustafson, who worked closely with Jensen, was the nation’s top scorer in 2017-18 and 2018-19. Clark has led the nation in scoring in three of her four seasons.
What’s even more interesting about this bit of trivia is none of them played the same position: Jensen was a forward, Gustafson a center and Clark is a guard. To be a top scorer in Bluder’s system is clearly a position-less possibility.
Mention how nice it is that Paige Buckets is back in top form
Not familiar with this Paige Bueckers? If you’re new to the women’s game that’s kind of understandable but she’s a formidable force you need to know.
In the first post-pandemic season and the empty gyms of 2020-21, women’s basketball was blessed with two amazing freshmen – Bueckers and Caitlin Clark. Debate raged over who was best. Both were well-rounded, high-scoring point guards. In the end, Bueckers emerged with more accolades: She was the first freshman to earn the Wooden Award, Naismith Trophy, AP Player of the Year and USBWA Player of the Year. (Clark was no slacker; she led the nation in scoring and was also an all-American.)
It was Bueckers’ UConn team that eliminated Iowa from the tournament that season, 92-72, in the Sweet Sixteen.
Then, early in Bueckers’ sophomore season, she suffered a knee injury and missed 19 games. Then, before her junior year even started she injured the knee again and missed the entire season. This is the first full season she has played since she was a freshman and has averaged 22 points a game. She’ll play again next season for the Huskies.
Other teams, particularly Iowa, have shoved venerable UConn out of prime time in recent years, which has kept Bueckers somewhat out of the limelight. But she’s grabbed it back in a big way and led the Huskies into the Final Four.
Talk about how North Carolina State has been such a surprise this season
The Wolfpack were picked to finish eighth in the 15-team Atlantic Coast Conference, but finished second to Virginia Tech. They started the season with a 14-game winning streak that included a 92-81 victory over UConn.
They take a 31-6 record into their semifinal against South Carolina after an impressive tournament run where they bounced Tennessee, fifth-ranked Stanford and fourth-ranked Texas, the region’s top seed.
Make a bad joke that South Carolina’s coaching staff is 2 Legit 2 Quit
Jolette Law, one of the most popular Hawkeyes of the Vivian Stringer era, has had a stellar career as an assistant coach. She’s on Dawn Staley’s Gamecock staff after assistant coaching stints at Rutgers and Tennessee. She was head coach at Illinois for five seasons (2007-2012).
After her Iowa playing days were over, the Iowa Athletics Hall of Famer joined the Harlem Globetrotters and played for them from 1990 to 1994. Law appeared in the video for MC Hammer’s 1991 smash hit “2 Legit 2 Quit.” She wore her Globetrotters uniform, not baggy pants.
Women’s Final Four games will be Friday night on ESPN. North Carolina State plays South Carolina at 6 p.m. CDT, with the Iowa-Connecticut tipoff scheduled for 8:30 p.m. CDT.
Jane Burns is a former sports and features writer for the Des Moines Register, as well as other publications and websites. She’s a past winner of the Women’s Basketball Coaches Association’s Mel Greenberg Award for her coverage of women’s basketball. Over the course of her career she’s covered pretty much everything, which is why her as-yet-to-be-written memoir will be called “Cheese and Basketball: Stories From a Reporter Who Has Covered Everything.”
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Thank you, Jane! Now I'm ready.